I once had conversation with a close friend about my relationship at the time.
I'm not sure where she heard the following quote but it stuck with me.
It was: People are in our lives for A Reason, A Season or A Lifetime.
Although you may have heard that before but at the time I thought it was pretty profound.
If you look at your current or past relationships, you will most likely find it falls into one of those three places. After thinking about it, I realized it can apply to many different areas of our lives.
This recently came to my mind as I decided to move into a new season in my life with my career. It can be scary and bring on thoughts and feelings of fear and vulnerability.
It can also bring on excitement about what the next chapter may bring It's very interesting to watch the direction the mind wants to take.
It always seems to be primarily fear for most of us. Why is that the case? I suspect it's because change puts us in survival mode. Our brain begins to freak out.
However, I found thinking about it in this way takes the pressure off. It allows for change to become more curious and interesting. It allows space for the freedom to create and for possibilities to present themselves.
Such a better place to be.
If you find yourself getting stressed out about you relationships, careers, or what's next, consider this may be a season in your life that is temporary.
Beautiful thing is you get to decide. If it does not work out the way you want it to, you can find a new reason, make a new season and decide if you want it to become a lifetime.
Until next time,
ps. Click on Book A Session to schedule a free consultation or a 1 hour coaching session with me.
What does weight loss have to do with feelings?
We do things to distract ourselves from what we're thinking and feeling.
One of the ways we do that is with food.
We eat when we're not hungry.
Or we eat when we feel bored or stressed out.
We may eat as a way to procrastinate and put off something we think we should be doing.
Does that sound familiar?
A lot of the time we're not even aware of why we're doing it. We're simply on autopilot.
Then we don't understand why we can't lose weight or why our workouts are not as effective.
Of course you may get a temporary hit of feel good and then you're back to beating yourself up because you tell yourself you blew it again.
The secret potion to your weight loss isn't only what you put in your mouth or how many reps you do.
It's about what's going on in your brain.
That's the magic bullet to your success. Learning how to shine a light on what's going on in your mind and how it may be sabatoging your success.
Maybe you're ready to stop this cycle. I can help.
Schedule a free 20 minute consultation to find out more.
Until next time,
2021 is a new year.
Fantastic! I think most of us would agree and be happy to see the end of last year.
So, the thing is, we get to decide how we want this year to look.
How do you want it to look? How do you want to feel?
I've decided I'm going to focus on what possibilities lie ahead.
I've also decided I'm going to spend less time looking back.
At least most of the time.
Sometimes I will, when I feel the need to experience whatever emotion comes over me.
I will honor it and give it the time it needs to be there.
But then, I'm going to look ahead at what my life may have to offer me.
Because that's all I have right now. So, it seems like a better idea to embrace it this year.
Looking forward doesn't mean we forget those we love and have loved. It means we are deciding to be resilient and live our life in the best way we can.
For now, I will do my best to remain future focused. Dreams are created today so they may happen tomorrow.
That's what this year can mean for you too.
We can deal with challenges we face head on and know we have our own backs when they present themselves.
We can pick an outcome we'd love to see and spend our time and energy focusing on that.
Decide for yourself to make this a future focused year and not spend too much time looking back.
Remember, you're not going that way.
Until net time,
This year is a very different holiday season for many of us.
Many won't be able to join in their usual celebration.
Many people will be home alone, especially the elderly.
Some of us will be experiencing our first year without someone who we've lost.
No matter what the circumstances are, we still get to choose what to focus on in any given moment.
With all of the challenges we've faced this past year, it's more important than ever to be conscious about where we want to put our attention.
This Christmas I've decided I'm going to hold on to what this season means to me.
I'm finding gratitude for the blessings I still have in my life.
I'm reflecting on the love I have for my children and how lucky I am to be called their mom.
We don't get to decide when and how they will arrive and when they will depart and leave this earth. If we've experienced an early and surprising departure, we know how valuable and precious each and every moment we're given with them is.
This is a perfect time of year to reflect and appreciate the people we hold closest to our hearts. Even though it hurts that we can't be with some of them physically, we can hold them close to our hearts and minds.
I know I've said this before but so it's so worth repeating because this time of year brings up a lot of stuff for many of us.
This year every gift and every bow can represent something to feel thankful for.
Because we get to do it another year.
It may not be the same, but nothing ever really is.
It is possible to find something that we can feel grateful for in even the most difficult times.
My holiday wish for you is that you can experience some peace, joy and gratitude with ease this season and look forward to what will hopefully be a very bright and awesome 2021.
Until next time,
This time of year can be a joyful time and it can also be a very painful time.
Especially this year. For many of us, it has been a year like no other. We are all trying to navigate through it the best way we can.
For some of us, we have the holiday to look forward to.
For others, it becomes an additional source of pain.
There is an empty seat at our table.
One that used to be filled with someone we loved dearly.
The emptiness is a constant reminder they won't be joining us.
We find it hard to fully engage and enjoy, even though we may still be surrounded by family and friends.
This year may be a different gathering for most of us, maybe on a smaller scale, or even spending it by ourselves.
Regardless, the empty seat will still be there.
However, is the seat really empty? Or is it filled with love, memories and laughter? Maybe even a heated discussion or two?
Even though they don't live on this earth as we knew it any longer, they live in our hearts and our memories. We keep them alive in that way.
How do you think they would prefer for us to spend this holiday? Would it be with love and appreciation for the time we had together, or sadness and false smiles?
We can honor that empty seat by always remembering what a gift we had by having them in our lives. No matter the amount of time.
Don't let that seat be empty this holiday. Fill that seat with loving memories and stories and the knowledge that you will someday be together again.
Believe in that with all of your heart. Let them see that you live your life in the best way you can. For them and for you.
You never know, they may be smiling right along with you.
Have a wonderful Thanksgiving.
Until next time,
I had a close friend tell me last weekend that she didn't think I took enough time to "smell the roses". She didn't intend to be mean, she thought it may be helpful for me to know. You know, friendship feedback.
We had taken a walk with my dog on a path where fall was evident by the red, orange and yellow leaves that had recently scattered and covered much of the path. A typical midwest fall afternoon.
She noticed a black cat sitting on a fallen branch a few feet away quietly staring at us. I didn't notice as I suppose my mind was busy someplace else. I joked that my dog didn't even notice so I wasn't the only one!
Further down I pointed out a home where I sometimes see a few horses. I love horses so I always see if I can catch a glimpse of them as I walk by. I pointed out the stalls and told her I hadn't seen the horses in quite a while. I wondered if they were still there. On our way back she spotted the cat again and one of the horses poking their head out of the stall quietly watching us and we walked by.
I somehow managed to miss them both
Consider how many times in a single day you may be doing the same thing. If you can't be in the moment even for the things you enjoy, then I have to ask what's the point?
I was reminded how important it is to take at the very least 15 minutes a day to be present and focused on something that I WANT to do. Not something I have to do but something I enjoy. It may be new for you to do this and you can expect your mind to wander and go back to thoughts about what you should be doing and why you shouldn't be doing what you are. Acknowledge them and tell them to take a break, it's not their time to occupy your head space.
Every. Single. Day. Counts. Take some time to enjoy something just for you.
Until next time,
Some days are harder than others. Some days it seems like it would be easier to just give up than to face what we are currently feeling.
Maybe you've lost someone you loved, or a job (which unfortunately is not uncommon these days), or maybe you did not achieve something that you wanted very badly.
Sometimes when we look back on a situation we can understand how something may have seemed bad at one time but somehow ended up to be something good for us.
Unfortunately. some of us get stuck in a cycle of looking back and staying in the pain of what we once experienced. We continue to replay it over and over in our mind. In reality, it doesn't just happen to us once, we experience it repeatedly. You may place blame on yourself, beat yourself up endlessly or blame someone else for something that's happened to you. Either way you can't move beyond that moment of time in your mind, body and soul.
So what can we do to try to equalize ourselves during these times when all we feel like doing is crawling into a hole or burrowing under the covers?
Take a step back and try to see a larger picture. Ask yourself some questions that may offer new insight to your situation. Here are a few examples:
What am I supposed to see and learn here?
How can this experience benefit me?
Can I find one good thing that came out of this?
Can I use this in any way to help myself or someone else?
Is there another opportunity here for me?
The biggest thing I have learned is in order to see the light at the end of a very dark tunnel, you have to find a compelling reason to do so. What did you love most about what you've lost or what you wanted to accomplish? Why? Let that be your reason for continuing and not giving up. Make the decision on purpose. If you feel that broken about something or someone, that's meaningful. Allow yourself to feel it and give you the strength and purpose to keep going. Open your heart to what else life has in store for you. If we close ourselves off, we can miss so much.
Even in my darkest moments, I've found something beautiful and good.
It was love. It shows up every time if you let it in.
Until next time,
p.s. I'd love to hear from you. Shoot me an email or sign up for a free consultation.
What do you think of when you read or hear the phrase "Going Beyond The Limit"? Or maybe "Pushing The Limit"? To me it usually sounds exhausting and if feels like a whole lot of resistance. Not exactly motivating for me. For some people it may be just what it takes to get them motivated to reach a goal or initiate some kind of change in their lives. Unfortunately that's not the case for everyone and sometimes it prevents people from even trying for something they really want.
What if achieving something that you thought wasn't possible or out of reach turned out not be as hard as you initially thought?What if I suggested that it's not just about what you're doing, it's just really all in your head.
What makes something hardest often is due to what we tell ourselves about it. The biggest limits we place on ourselves begins in our mind. The way be achieve anything great in our lives, or even not so great also begins in your mind.
That's fantastic news because if it begins in our own mind, that means we can do something about it. It's powerful knowledge to have.
For example, say you want to run a marathon. That's a pretty lofty goal for most people. You enjoy running, however it does not seem to come as easy to you as it does to others that you know...you don't run as fast, your knees hurt and it doesn't seem to come as natural for you. If you focus on these aspects and remind yourself of all of the reasons why you won't be able to do it, it becomes a self fulfilling prophecy. We don't take action when we tell ourselves things that don't make us feel good. On the other hand, if you remind yourself of all of the reasons that it would be amazing to run a marathon and those reasons are enough to make you feel inspired and excited, you can begin to see that finishing a marathon could become a realty for you. You have to see it and believe it in your mind first.
I'm not suggesting that you run a marathon of course. That was an example and it speaks to my own experience. Those are the things I used to tell myself and it came to mind as a good example. As a result, I never did run a marathon or even a half marathon. But if I'd thought about if differently and wanted it bad enough, hands down I believe I could have done it.
Here are some simple steps you can begin to take to reach beyond your own limits, because they often really are your own.
1. Decide what you want and ask yourself why. It's super important that you like your reason.
2. See yourself achieving your desire and try to step into how that would feel when you achieve that result.
3. Take one step at a time to get there. They don't have to be huge steps, they just have to be steps.
4. Stay consistent. Remind yourself often why you want it. Believe you can because you decided you could.
5. Be the gatekeeper of your mind. Always focus on what you want opposed to what you don't want.
Your brain will try to give you all the reasons why you can't and shouldn't. Let them flow in and out. Don't allow them to occupy too much of your mental space.
This can work for you in other areas in your life. If you tell yourself you can't do something, you won't. It can even help if you've experienced a loss or unexpected change. In the beginning it may seem impossible that things can get better or that you can ever be happy and fulfilled again. If we understand that these thoughts are normal and part of our process, it will take some of the pressure off. We don't have to keep them around forever. When we feel ready we can let those thoughts go and decide we'd rather believe something else.
Until next time,
ps I'd love to hear from you. Shoot me an email and schedule a free consultation!
We can let fear get the best of us if we allow it to. Once you've lost someone you love so unconditionally, it's even easier for fear to creep into so many other areas of or lives. I have to admit, I've been the kind of person who experiences a good amount of fear on a regular basis, so it's nothing new to me. I've been that way as long as I can remember.
In the recent aftermath of the loss of my son, I thought to myself : Okay, bring it on, what else can you do to me now? You've made my worst nightmare a reality (this directed to God or whatever super power that let this happen). So, what else ya got?" That's scary thinking. I realize this did not "happen to me" but it sure felt like it did. I'm pretty sure most of us feel that way. In the process of trying to make sense of my pain, I actually remember a moment of feeling relief. Now that the worst was over, maybe I won't have to live in so much fear anymore. Well, I found it doesn't work that way. Fear still exists and rears its ugly head and tries to torment me on a regular basis.
That being said, fear is not always our enemy. Fear is a primitive human emotion. It exists to help us survive. Fear alerts us to danger and threats in the form of physical or psychological danger. Where it gets tricky is that it can also come from imagined dangers and we are not always consciously aware of the difference.
Sometimes it's easier to give into fear than to take on the challenge of trying to overcome it or understand it. That's not always the best answer. Neither is making statements bold enough to challenge the hands of fate or indulge in that type of negative thinking. Over time I've found that if I'm not in real immediate danger, I can name it, claim it and allow it to be there until I get a better understanding of it's origin.
I have also been able to shift my perspective.
I realized all of the ways I'm still fortunate and had so much more I could lose. I still have two amazing sons and an amazing family and friends that I adore. I have a four legged girl that will follow me everywhere (if I let her). I have so much MORE I could lose. I can't change what's already happened, however I can change how I think about my life going forward.
If you find yourself struggling with fear due to a loss or possibly something else in your life, take a look around and see what you still have in your life that matters to you. Are you in immediate danger? What provides meaning, purpose and value to you? If you look hard enough, I'm pretty sure you can find something. Make a choice to focus on that instead when you know there is no real threat. Take the time you need to step back and notice how you are still fortunate. I think what you will find is that a little understanding and a small shift in perspective can go a long way.
Until next time,
ps: I'd love to hear from you. Send me a note or schedule a free 20 minute consultation!
I don't recall as much craziness at once in such a short amount of time as I have recently in my whole life. Usually when something unprecedented happens, it kind of stands alone. However, we have all seen and will continue to see large shifts and changes in our culture and lives going forward. It's not all bad either.
We are just beginning to see some light after months of lockdown due to the pandemic. It's far from over but things have begun to open up. It's like a breath of fresh air, however we have the haunted feeling of the unknown. I have to admit, I am not a news monger. Much of what I see and hear is not positive so I choose not to indulge. I stay informed for the most part and that is good enough for me.
Most recently the tragic death of George Floyd has the world reeling. When I first heard about it, I knew if I were to see that video I would not be able to forget it or keep it out of my mind. I did not need to see it to be horrified by it. One does not need to personally know someone to feel the horror of what is happening to another human being.
I very quickly saw how this was not going to just go away. And it shouldn't. The discussion quickly went from being all about Covid-19 to the movement of Black Lives Matter. Every time I went into my inbox or the internet I saw more discussion about individuals taking a stand against the atrocities that are and have been taking place for a very long time.
I have to be transparent here. As much as I don't like to admit this, (due to my fear of being judged or misunderstood) I was a little annoyed in the beginning. I was thinking to myself "Really, you are getting on this bandwagon too? Why is everyone acting like this is something new? BLACK LIVES AND ALL LIVES HAVE ALWAYS MATTERED SO WHY ARE YOU ACTING SO SURPRISED?"
The fast escalation from peaceful protests to violence and destruction upsets me to my core. I have never thought that violence solves anything. We have unfair brutality and injustice happening to all kinds of people all over the world and I never thought hurting one another was a good solution.
This all brings me back to my childhood and not so great a time in my life. I thought we were so beyond this. I lived in the city of Chicago in what now is considered a very nice and somewhat exclusive area. When I lived there it was an average middle class neighborhood. A few blocks away however, it was known to be not very safe due to gang activity and crime. As in most places, you go to the school within your district. When the time came for me to change schools for 7th and 8th grade, my school was within that not so safe area. Not many years prior that school and the adjacent high school had struggled with violence due to racial rioting.
It was too close for a bus so I had to walk. Every day I had to pass by the corner where the gang members congregated across the street from my school. I was terrified for those two years I went to that school. Occasionally I would get stopped and checked for money. I would hide my money for lunch in my socks. I was a latchkey kid so I would hide my single key as well. I was picked on sometimes because I was white. You see, I was the minority. A few times word would go around school that so and so was mad at me and they were going to kick my ass after school (for no reason). I would feel like throwing up the whole day and there were a few times I actually had to fist fight another girl after school while a group of people stood around and watched.
That being said, I am grateful that I was exposed to different types of race and ethnicities in may formative years. It was normal to me. I saw the good and not so good in ALL types of people. I admit I was traumatized and carried a lot of fear due to my early years. However, that was just two years in my life. Not my whole life. I had a small glimpse of what it feels like to be out numbered and treated as an outsider. Just a very small smidgen of what it feels like to live in fear because I was not the majority. I realize that many kids get bullied. Nothing makes it okay. I naively did not think that people were still getting bullied or treated unfairly to the degree they are based on the color of their skin.
So, I've been feeling a bit like I've had my head in the sand. Racism and White Supremacy have always sickened me. How can I not be aware of all the ways it is still affecting us in our world? Have I not been paying attention? I realize we have brutality and injustice to all kinds of people but we have to ask ourselves, are the scales tipped equally?
To do my part I have to take stock and see where I could possibly be contributing to the problem. Becoming more aware of what is going on in my brain is a way of becoming more conscious of the problem and the solution.
In my heart I believe we are all created equal and perfect. If I take a brown marker or any color maker to my hand and color it, it does not change who I am and my level of worthiness. My daughter-in-law is racially mixed and so is my grandson. I can't even fathom loving them more or less if they were any different.
We cannot walk in other peoples shoes, however we can try to open our minds and our hearts and make the effort to look inside of ourselves and see where we may have our own blind spots. This is what can begin to make a difference in our country and our world.
Empathy and love feel good and will always win.
Until next time,